Posted June 23, 2024
Angel M Flener, LE

In today's digital world, communication seems to revolve around quick responses and immediate reactions. However, as part of my job as not only an aesthetician with clientele, but as a mentor & licensed educator, I have taken notice that true communication lies not just in what we say, but in how well we listen to one another.

This week’s blog explores the difference between “listening to respond” and “listening to understand, comprehend and act”.

Let’s start with Listening to Respond

Have you ever been a conversation with someone (client/student/mentoree) who just listens to respond? Blurting out their own thoughts leaving you to wonder if they actually heard anything you said?

Not only can they finish your sentence, but it’s also as if sentence formulation is happening a reply while you might be speaking. The worst part is the lesson you are trying to impart seems to be fruitless.

Here are a few bullet points that are commonly experienced with this personality type:

1.) Preparing counterarguments:
Instead of absorbing the speaker's message, one may mentally prepare to disagree or counter what is being said. They do not understand half of your message and even more dangerous, “quote” your message as a lesson to others when it wasn’t fully received as intended from you.

2.) Waiting for the Pause: Rather than actively engaging with the speaker's thoughts, attention is often on finding an opening to interject with one's own opinions or ideas.

3.) Surface-level understanding: The primary goal is to maintain the flow of conversation by acknowledging points without deeply processing their implications. (see Number 1)


And...

The “counter” personality “Listening to Understand and Comprehend”: Listening to understand goes beyond simply hearing words;

Traits of this personality

a.) Active engagement: Actively focusing on your words, tone, and body language to grasp the underlying meaning and emotions.

b.) Empathetic perspective: Seeking to understand both your and basically, ANY speaker's viewpoint, feelings, and motivations without judgment or interruption.

c.) Reflective responses: This is the person who is taking time to process the information before responding, ensuring that the reply aligns with a thorough understanding of the speaker's message.

d.) Asking clarifying questions: Seeking clarification to ensure complete comprehension of the topic or issue being discussed.

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Now...The Key Differences :

· Intent: Listening to respond focuses on preparing one's own reply, while listening to
understand prioritizes comprehension and empathy.

· Depth of engagement: Responding often involves a superficial understanding, whereas understanding requires a deeper connection with the speaker.

· Outcome: Responding may lead to missed nuances or misunderstandings, while understanding fosters meaningful dialogue and mutual respect.

· Enhanced relationships: Deep listening builds trust and respect by demonstrating genuine interest in the speaker's perspective.

· Conflict resolution: Understanding leads to more effective problem-solving and negotiation by uncovering common ground.

· Personal growth: By broadening perspectives and learning from others, listening to understand promotes continuous learning and self-improvement.

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So in Conclusion:

Did you see the difference? Where do you see yourself?

While responding is essential in conversation, listening to understand and comprehend is preferred 10 out of the 10 people I polled for this week’s blog. Listening to Understand is equally crucial for fostering meaningful connections and productive communication.

By learning and cultivating a habit of deep listening, we not only enrich our relationships but also contribute to a more empathetic and harmonious conversation.

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Closing Thoughts:
This author believes that there is a true shift of disconnection in society when it comes to connection. No one really “talks” to hear one another anymore. Living in a society where everything is INSTANT results, we are more prone to “Instant Message”, or Text to get those results. Consider whether you're listening to respond or listening to understand. I will be truthful, I am nostalgic, so catching up with anyone over tea is delightful!

My challenge to you all this week? Put the phone down when reaching out to another with a call or an in person contact is available! Schedule Lunch dates to catch up and LISTEN to one another.